Today I ran my first half-marathon. Yup--13-plus miles of southeast Greene County's (and some of Christian County's) finest urban sprawl. I came home and slept for about four hours, so my body feels much better, save a splitting headache. More Gatorade, please!
Ever wonder what goes through the mind of someone running 13 miles on city trails and roads? Here's a Top 10 list (I'm very good at Top 10 Lists).
10. "Those Kenyan guys would be done with a full marathon by now."
This is at, oh, mile 10.
9. "Flies love poop. Poop, poop, poop."
The voice in my head says this like Ron Burgundy downing a glass of scotch in Anchorman.
8. "They way I feel, a naked Heidi Klum could run by me and I would be in no way aroused."
This is more speculation than tested fact.
7. "I can't stand cyclists."
Okay, I know one of my best friends and one of my two readers is an avid (ex?) cyclist, but these guys annoy me. They wear these loud damn jerseys when a one-tone would be fine, they look like they're exerting sooo much physical strength when some fraction of it must be the bike--my quads don't want to hear it, whiner. Finally, some of them (not all) practically run you off the road. If they have the courtesy to say "Passing on the left!" it's when they're already on you, straight in your ear, scaring you half to death. I knew you were coming, Jaques; your ego passed me 20 minutes ago.
6. "Well, it's better than work."
5. "Never again will I eat anything with the word 'Diablo' in the title the night before a run."
4. Whatever song I happen to select from my memory bank.
There's only one, mind you: Once it's there, it's stuck. I've had the ill fortune of having songs from Avril Lavigne, Jo-Jo and Fergie. Today, however, it was Son Volt's "Drown." Ah, much more tolerable.
3. "How do they get all that lovely cream filling inside a Twinkie?"
2. "When I'm done with this, I only have 13 miles to go until I've run a full marathon. Joy!"
1. "Dont' say hi to me."
Seriously, folks. I know we're in the Midwest, and we have some genetic wiring that makes us feel obligated to give out unnecessary salutations to total strangers, but stop it. I'm sweaty, I'm huffing a bit, I look like ass. You look like ass, too. Saying hi, waving or, hell, even smiling takes energy I need to keep going. It's nothing personal. Yes, we are each weekend-morning warriors, pounding the pavement to satisfy whatever issues we have that make us feel the need to be running before sunrise. I get that. But I do not want to greet you unless I know you and like you. Or if doing so would socially or vocationally benefit me in some way. Get over it.
(Would that qualify as a rant? Oh dear.)
Have a great weekend, reader(s).
Peace.
ML
Ever wonder what goes through the mind of someone running 13 miles on city trails and roads? Here's a Top 10 list (I'm very good at Top 10 Lists).
10. "Those Kenyan guys would be done with a full marathon by now."
This is at, oh, mile 10.
9. "Flies love poop. Poop, poop, poop."
The voice in my head says this like Ron Burgundy downing a glass of scotch in Anchorman.
8. "They way I feel, a naked Heidi Klum could run by me and I would be in no way aroused."
This is more speculation than tested fact.
7. "I can't stand cyclists."
Okay, I know one of my best friends and one of my two readers is an avid (ex?) cyclist, but these guys annoy me. They wear these loud damn jerseys when a one-tone would be fine, they look like they're exerting sooo much physical strength when some fraction of it must be the bike--my quads don't want to hear it, whiner. Finally, some of them (not all) practically run you off the road. If they have the courtesy to say "Passing on the left!" it's when they're already on you, straight in your ear, scaring you half to death. I knew you were coming, Jaques; your ego passed me 20 minutes ago.
6. "Well, it's better than work."
5. "Never again will I eat anything with the word 'Diablo' in the title the night before a run."
4. Whatever song I happen to select from my memory bank.
There's only one, mind you: Once it's there, it's stuck. I've had the ill fortune of having songs from Avril Lavigne, Jo-Jo and Fergie. Today, however, it was Son Volt's "Drown." Ah, much more tolerable.
3. "How do they get all that lovely cream filling inside a Twinkie?"
2. "When I'm done with this, I only have 13 miles to go until I've run a full marathon. Joy!"
1. "Dont' say hi to me."
Seriously, folks. I know we're in the Midwest, and we have some genetic wiring that makes us feel obligated to give out unnecessary salutations to total strangers, but stop it. I'm sweaty, I'm huffing a bit, I look like ass. You look like ass, too. Saying hi, waving or, hell, even smiling takes energy I need to keep going. It's nothing personal. Yes, we are each weekend-morning warriors, pounding the pavement to satisfy whatever issues we have that make us feel the need to be running before sunrise. I get that. But I do not want to greet you unless I know you and like you. Or if doing so would socially or vocationally benefit me in some way. Get over it.
(Would that qualify as a rant? Oh dear.)
Have a great weekend, reader(s).
Peace.
ML
content! more content I say!
ReplyDelete